Bad Teacher

It is the job of a teacher to introduce you to the whole wide world and all its wonders. You're young, you're naive, you're impressionable, and your teacher is most likely the only adult authority figure outside of mummy and daddy. You see them five days a week, six hours a day, are under their control and are taught everyday skills by them. Amongst your absorption of grammatical correctness and mathematical equations, you are being trained by someone who is essentially a role model. And thinking of Elizabeth Halsey as a role model is an unnerving thought indeed.

Elizabeth is the protagonist of Jake Kasdan's comedy "Bad Teacher." Played by Cameron Diaz ("Knight and Day"), she is what I suppose you would call an anti-heroine, though she's as lazy a heroine as you will ever stumble upon. She's a teacher at a junior high school, a position she assumedly received through lying and deceiving, judging by her behaviour in the film.

What is her behaviour like in the film? Well, Elizabeth is characterised as lazy and vulgar, uncaring and unruly. Expletives shoot out from between her lipstick-smeared lips with expert precision, and alcohol and marijuana appear to be part of her five-a-day. And this is the recurring joke of "Bad Teacher": a person as irresponsible and untrustworthy as this is the teacher of your children, their role model and guidance for the future, in spite of all her hysterical ignorance; the "too cool for school" stereotype is playing teacher. It's a humorous prospect, but it's only after a while that this joke starts to become stale.

Instead of filling her students' growing heads with useful knowledge of the modern-day world, Elizabeth will just flip on a movie (such as Wes Craven's "Scream") for their bright little eyes to gaze upon as she snoozes at her desk and waits for the bell to rouse her from her half-drunk slumber. She is also far more concerned with the size of her breasts, as she attempts to raise money (through conning, swiping, and sexually arousing men) to pay for surgery to enlarge them. And her jar labelled "NEW TITS" is becoming increasingly green.

In the school car park, she smokes weed. In the school corridors, she avoids students who are crying. In the school cafeteria, she ignores bullying. Mandatory meetings are deflected, students are exposed to harsh language, cookies baked for her by students are unappreciated, the school curriculum is completely neglected, and items from her students' houses are stolen; on Christmas Day, no less.

All this ignorance is entertaining enough until your mind begins to analyse the consequences of what this woman is doing to her students, at which point you begin to dislike and despise this irresponsible protagonist. While the students in Mike White's "The School of Rock" of 2003 were at least getting something valuable out of Jack Black's classroom shenanigans (musical talent can come in handy), the students under the authority of Cameron Diaz are receiving absolutely nothing. And when you begin to realise what this may mean for these innocent children's future, your feelings for this unlikely teacher are eradicated in an instant.

Across the hall from Elizabeth is disturbingly chirpy redhead Miss Squirrel (the astonishing Lucy Punch, "Dinner for Schmucks"), whose students are treated with juicy red apples as they play charades and watch their zany teacher with ample bemusement. Her goody-two-shoes personality soon reveals a hard-as-steel determination, Miss Squirrel quickly turning into Elizabeth's arch-nemesis and uber-competitive rival. Punch's character is supposed to act as the villain of the film, which I suppose would work better if our main character didn't already come across as a villain herself.

Another supporting character used to enhance Elizabeth's irresponsibility is Lynn (Phyllis Smith, "The Office"), a fellow teacher who's timid as anything, but giggles at Elizabeth's refusal to be decent and appropriate. Still, she would never willingly copy her rebellious nature, although Elizabeth forces her to do so on several occasions. There's also Scott (Justin Timberlake, "The Social Network"), the sweet and innocent new teacher on campus, all naive and kind and bespectacled, his favourite book being Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love," though it turns out he's a little kinky in the bedroom. And there's Russell (Jason Segel, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"), the PE teacher who's almost as vulgar as Elizabeth, just with more control over his actions.

These characters fade in and out of the story whenever they are needed or not needed, and don't necessarily do too much, aside from the nutty Miss Squirrel (see what I did there?). They supply some laughs, say some things, react to Elizabeth's foulness, and then disappear for a few scenes. They're momentary distractions from the troublesome nuisance that is our wild protagonist more than anything else.

"Bad Teacher" does cater to the funny bone on occasion; Elizabeth's indecency and foul language is the source of some rib-tickling comedy. But with a main character as unengaging as the one we are presented with here, the film's taste is dry, and Elizabeth's lack of any comeuppance or actual development as a person leaves it an unsatisfying watch. I'm not a fan of predictable plot formula, but a character such as Elizabeth deserves to plummet back into reality and have to clamber her way back up with genuine niceness and helpfulness and caring and sharing; without this, why should I care?

4/10