Mirror Mirror

The thing about Indian film director Tarsem Singh is that he’s very much a visual filmmaker; take a look at his 2000 debut “The Cell” or last year’s “Immortals” and his keen dedication to catering to the viewer’s eyeballs is all too clear. And the thing about classical fairy tale “Snow White,” as written by the Brothers Grimm, is that it’s very much a traditional piece of storytelling, as was understood when Disney famously and faultlessly tackled the tale all the way back in 1937.

Combine the two (a narratively-challenged filmmaker and a good old-fashioned story), and that doesn’t seem like a very bright idea, although Relativity Media would beg to differ; the result, as evidenced in the newly released “Mirror Mirror,” is a film in dire need of both a sense of narrative coherency and a director who thinks in terms of telling a story, and telling it properly, not in terms of, “oh yeah, look at that gorgeous palace” and “ooh, those trees look rather lovely, don’t they?”

Singh has actually directed a fairy tale before, and did it very well. That was in “The Fall,” a 2006 fantasy adventure film about an unlikely band of six heroic individuals who seek vengeance against the evil governor who did them all wrong. The storytelling in “The Fall" was more than a tad muddled, but that made sense: the story was, after all, seen through the eyes of a naive and imaginative young girl, an excuse that “Mirror Mirror” does not have in its defence.

Instead, the story is told - partly - by The Evil Queen (Julia Roberts, “Eat Pray Love”), or Queen Clementianna, as she’s called here. A grotesque caricature of greed and vanity, The Queen is so self-centred she believes the story of “Mirror Mirror” revolves around her (although, given the incoherence of the story, one struggles to blame her). In fact, the story is intended to focus on The Queen’s mistreated step-daughter, Snow White (Lily Collins, daughter of musician Phil), who has just turned 18, not that The Queen noticed.

Much like Rapunzel from Disney’s 2010 animated hit “Tangled,” Snow White is warned by her step-mother to never leave their homely castle, a rule she has always abided by. But when handsome Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer, “J. Edgar”), whom The Queen wishes to marry for financial purposes, sets his eyes on Snow White during a visit to the palace, The Queen finally lets her step foot out of the castle - and orders her personal servant (Nathan Lane, “Mouse Hunt”) to murder her in the woods.

He doesn’t, thankfully, and Snow White is taken in by a ragtag gang of thieving dwarfs (seven, to be precise), who compensate for their limited stature by standing on spring-loaded stilts. Living with the dwarfs and keeping a low profile, Snow White slowly but surely devises a plan to overrule the deceptive queen and take back the kingdom that’s rightfully hers.

As you can see, here the Brothers Grimm’s ever-beloved legend has been toyed around with, turned on its head and spun around a few too many times, and as such has ended up more than a bit dizzy. Screenwriters Melissa Wallack (“Bill”) and Jason Keller (“Machine Gun Preacher”) have succeeded in pumping some much needed originality and a ton of lighthearted humour into the story, which has been adapted onto the big screen dozens of times over the course of over a century. However, in doing so, they have essentially picked apart a rock-solid piece of storytelling and have rearranged it into a clunky narrative littered with flimsy plot beats derived of the satisfying spark necessary to make the whole thing click.

Messy, too, is the script’s handling of The Queen, which gives the impression that Wallack and Keller can’t decide what kind of villain Roberts is supposed to be playing: is The Queen a murderous, loathsome, stuck-up old hag, or is she a lovable, dastardly, rib-tickling cartoon character? Roberts, whose role choices haven’t exactly been up to par recently, is perfectly charming in the role, but the consistency of her character’s viciousness is sorely lacking, and damages the film.

As Snow White, Collins shines, certainly much more than she did last year in action dud “Abduction,” in which she essentially played Taylor Lautner’s walking, talking blow-up doll. Here, she displays a winning smile, an adorable innocence and a set of eyebrows so hair-raising they could challenge Groucho Marx. Co-stars Armie Hammer and Nathan Lane impress also, the former channeling Brendan Fraser (rarely a good thing, but Hammer pulls it off) and the latter channeling, well, Nathan Lane (hardly a stretch for him, I must say).

Visually, the film is mouth-watering in a way that only a Tarsem Singh production could be. Whether it’s achieved through the breathtaking cinematography from Brendan Galvin, the fabulous costume design by regular Singh contributor Eiko Ishioka (who sadly died before the film was completed and to whom the film is dedicated) or an inexplicable closing dance number set to a Bollywood remix of “I Believe in Love,” the fantastical world presented in “Mirror Mirror” is gorgeously realised and a scrumptious feast for the eyes to behold.

It’s a shame, then, that the film is scrumptious in no other area, leaving its audience feeling stiff and bored in the auditorium. There’s another, very different-looking “Snow White” movie set for release in the summer, starring Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart. Judging by its trailer, that one looks set to force-feed “Mirror Mirror” a poisoned apple, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see who shall indeed win the battle to be crowned fairest of them all.

5/10