I jest. “Hotel Transylvania” is a kids’ movie, and a harmlessly silly one, produced by Sony Pictures Animation (they who most recently treated us with Aardman’s splendid “The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists” and “Arthur Christmas,” and who dumped on us the insipid live-action/CGI hybrid “The Smurfs”). Given its cast, it could easily be a Happy Madison production too: it features the familiar voices of Kevin James (“Paul Blart: Mall Cop”), David Spade (“Grown Ups”), Andy Samberg (“That’s My Boy”), Jon Lovitz (“The Benchwarmers”) and studio head honcho Adam Sandler (“Jack and Jill”).
I say “kids’ movie” and not “family movie" for a reason; there is a distinction to be made between the two. “Hotel Transylvania” is sure to be a hit with the littluns, who will revel in the vibrantly rendered animation, be bewitched by the boundless energy with which the film races along and maybe even cower at the sight of Dracula’s fangs. Older audiences will be harder to please; in spite of giggling at some of the more adult-oriented gags, I myself became tired of the film come its second half, when it dawned on me that the film had precious little story to tell. Unlike Sony Animation’s previous two efforts, “Hotel Transylvania” is sadly not suitable for the whole family.
The titular resort, constructed in 1895, houses monsters, the sort Universal Studios were making movies about in the Golden Age. A rural gothic castle, it is owned and managed by Count Dracula (Sandler, mimicking the great Bela Lugosi), a black-caped vampire who notably doesn’t sink his fangs into human necks (“Human blood is so fatty, and you never know where it’s been," he explains). Monsters from all over the globe come to Hotel Transylvania for a break from the everyday stresses of the human world, where they are chased and persecuted; as it was in Pixar’s “Monsters, Inc.,” humans are seen as a dangerous species to be feared and avoided.
The design and guests of the hotel see “Hotel Transylvania” at its most creative. In the opening scenes, the reception is populated with creatures from every walk of supernatural life: making appearances are Bigfoot, the Blob, Frankenstein’s monster (James), goblins, gremlins, the Invisible Man (Spade), an obese mummy (Cee Lo Green), Quasimodo (Lovitz) and whole families of walking skeletons and wolf-people. The bellhops are all zombies; the cleaners are all witches on broomsticks; the security team are living suits of armor; used as “do not disturb” signs are shrunken heads who hang from the doorknobs. Our introduction to the building is like the opening of “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” only without the riveting, Danny Elfman-scored musical number.
Dracula has a plucky adolescent daughter with an adventurous spirit. Having just turned 118, Mavis (Selena Gomez, “Monte Carlo”) wishes to venture out of the confines of the hotel and experience the wonders of the human world, specifically Hawaii (mispronounced as “Ha-wee-wee”). Knowing all too well the perils of such a trip, the over-protective Dracula concocts a plan: using a specially made-up fake village on the outskirts of the land, he convinces Mavis that the human population consists entirely of angry, pitchfork-wielding yokels (as played by the zombie staff, one of whom tries to walk off with a busty, female mannequin). The trick works like a charm, and a disheartened Mavis decides that staying home in the safety of the hotel is for the best.
As it is surrounded by a misty cemetery stalked by the undead and a fearsome forest haunted by cackling ghosts, no human has ever come close to the horror hotel. Until now... Hopelessly naive, spectacularly gormless American backpacker Jonathan (Samberg) happens upon the secret retreat on the night of Mavis’ birthday, oblivious to the otherworldliness of its guests. Spotted by Dracula upon entering the building, the unwelcome mortal is dressed up as a pale-skinned, Eraserhead-haired ghoul until the Count can get rid of him, a task that proves tricky when fellow guests take a shine to “Johnny-stein”’s laid-back attitude, in particular a swooning Mavis.
“Hotel Transylvania" has fun with its characters, as it should: Frankenstein’s monster’s crudely stitched-up limbs move of their own accord; the Wolfman (Steve Buscemi, “Boardwalk Empire”) is forever tired out by his litter of ceaselessly active cubs; aerobics sessions are made interesting by the vomit-eating fly instructors; you should see the Invisible Man trying to play charades. But most of its characters are one-joke sorts too thinly drawn for us to get a firm grasp of them, which separates them from the comparably macabre families Munster and Addams, each member of which had a well-defined and memorable personality. Not these spooks; even the Prince of Darkness is a bit of a blur.
Directing is Genndy Tartakovsky, famed for creating “Dexter’s Laboratory” and “Samurai Jack,” both enormously entertaining, hand-drawn animated kids’ TV shows. His feature-length debut, and his first stab at computer animation, speeds by at the frenetic pace of the former show and features a similar degree of visual invention to that of the latter. These qualities, along with the generally pleasing vocal performances, keep things running smoothly for a while, but soon enough — somewhere around the midway point — the central plot runs out of steam as the relentless energy becomes exhausting and the bare bones of the narrative begin to show.
It’s difficult to shake the feeling that “Hotel Transylvania" was made for the sole purpose of coinciding with the Halloween season; its mid-October release date is certainly very appropriate, and will surely attract a monster audience in the lead-up to the big day itself. As light entertainment for those under 12-or-so, the film is perfectly serviceable and will please its young demographic, but it lacks the spooky thrills and hand-crafted charm that claymated family horror-comedy “ParaNorman” recently displayed.
5/10
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