Here Comes the Boom

Mixed martial arts comedy “Here Comes the Boom,” brought to you by the hollowed-out minds at Happy Madison Productions, is — to shine a bad film in a good light — the best of a lousy bunch. The latest product from Adam Sandler’s less-than-esteemed production company, founded in 1999, it is lucky in that it stands at the end of a long-flowing stream of cinematic filth: the studio’s most recent stinkers include “That’s My Boy,” “Just Go With It,” “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star,” “Grown Ups” and, simultaneously both king and queen of the stinkers, “Jack and Jill.” Comparatively, “Here Comes the Boom” is a farcical zenith. But that’s not to say it is good: merely, it is tolerable and inoffensive, which, by Happy Madison’s standards, is a triumph worthy of a self-congratulatory high-five.

The unlikely hero is tubby funnyman Kevin James, previously given his own star vehicles in the form of family-friendly duds “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” and “Zookeeper.” Since his days playing deliveryman Doug Heffernan in blue-collar sitcom “The King of Queens,” James has shaped a profitable career out of playing the nice guy and the everyman. He continues this trend in “Here Comes the Boom,” in which he displays not just a heart of gold and the build of a bull but balls of solid steel, climbing into MMA death cages to do battle with muscle-bound fighters half his age and twice his size.

It’s a typical underdog story. James is Scott Voss, a 42-year-old biology teacher at Wilkinson High School. Scott is a slob and a slacker, frequently arriving late to class, where he makes no effort to inspire or enlighten his students. The school, under tight budget constraints, is making cutbacks to extra-curricular activities. This means Marty the kooky music teacher (Henry Winkler, aka the Fonz) is to be laid off while his students are to be stripped of their beloved music lessons. Scott, having learned that Marty recently became a father-to-be, suddenly grows a conscience and promises Marty he will save the program.

To do this, $48,000 must be raised. Scott is stumped. As a starting point, he takes up instructing a nighttime citizenship class. There, he meets Niko (retired MMA warrior Bas Rutten), with whom we watches televised MMA fights (essentially wrestling without the props) while giving extra tutoring. He discovers a trick of the trade: while the winner of an official UFC fight receives $50,000, the loser still receives a hefty sum of $10,000. A light bulb lights up inside Scott’s head: if he were to fight in the UFC, he wouldn’t have to win a single match to raise the money.

Cue the music. Cue the montages. And cue the slapstick. With the expertise of Niko and the motivation of Marty, Scott trains to lose against experienced, bloodthirsty fighting machines who would otherwise tear his head clean off his shoulders. It turns out he can take quite a beating. Some viewers will be reminded of the episode of “The Simpsons” in which Homer becomes a boxer after discovering he can act as a human punching bag, thus tiring out his opponent. Early fights prove rewarding, as the paychecks roll in and as Scott comes home bashed and bruised from yet another loss at the hands of a hulking beast. But hang on a minute: as later fights prove, the lunky, chunky biology teacher might not be so bad at this MMA thing after all.

Most features associated with Adam Sandler, here an executive producer, aren’t known for their ambitious narratives, and “Here Comes the Boom” takes the cake for slavish commitment to formula. All the expected plot beats are well and truly present. Scott begins to win the respect of his students. His late-night antics grant him fame in the school hallways and disapproval from the headmaster. He recaptures his enthusiasm for education, as shown as he strides across the classroom on the tops of students’ desks. The shapely object of his affection, played by Mexican goddess Salma Hayek (Sandler’s wife in “Grown Ups"), starts to take a shine to him. A twist in the third act puts the raised money in jeopardy, and it looks like Scott may have to win a fight after all. With such a wealthy collection of well-worn clichés integrated into its plot, the film could easily be a parody, but a surprising sincerity reveals it is making no attempt to send anything up.

Instead, it strives to stand on its own two feet as a feelgood charmer. While perhaps commendable, such efforts are in vain: with precious little to offer outside of a by-the-numbers script (co-written by James), a half-hearted message about the importance of education and an ending that throws all remaining morsels of believability out of the wrestling ring, there’s little reason to care. This is in spite of James’ reliably genial presence and a splendid cast of supporting players: Winkler, with his twinkly-eyed eccentricity, is a joy as the batty, passionate music teacher (“Without music, life would be a mistake”), while Rutten, an MMA champ from 1993 through to 1999, is a great, goofy sport.

Crucially though, the problem with “Here Comes the Boom" is its laughter count, which for me came to a grand total of zero. It’s not painfully unfunny, it just doesn’t appear to be trying very hard; truth be told, “Rocky” had more honest laughs and a good deal more heart. It doesn’t work as a drama either, with inevitable comparisons to the recent “Warrior” (coincidentally also about a science teacher fighting in the UFC) beating it to a pulp. While it’s arguably Happy Madison’s finest release since the generally decent “Click” (also directed by Frank Coraci), “Here Comes the Boom” packs neither the comedic or dramatic punch necessary to launch it above basic expectations.

5/10