It's not her performance (she's a lovely watch here, both in grace and looks), it's the film itself. You see, "No Strings Attached" looks to have fallen victim to the rather large ditch that trips and kills most members of the romance genre -- ie, it's a bit run-of-the-mill and is generally a load of pants.
Now, this new kissy-kissy, fondle-fondle, heartfelt story of harps and Cupids isn't the usual fluffy, lovey-dovey rom-com -- it decides to be a bit different. However, while it aims to be an alteration from the sickening, seen-it-all-before snooze-a-thons, it still finds itself categorised with them because of formula. Stupid, stupid formula.
Ashton Kutcher (the respected auteur from such classics as "Dude, Where's My Car?" and "What Happens in Vegas") is Adam, a producer, aspiring writer and son of a famous TV star (Kevin Kline, "A Fish Called Wanda"). Portman is Emma, a medical student who gags at the thought of romance.
Adam and Emma have known each other since they were kids (the opening scene set 15 years ago has Adam asking if he can finger Emma at a party), but are not friends. Following a drunken night of texting and phoning old girlfriends, Adam wakes up on Emma's couch with his bare butt hanging out. This happens to us all, right?
They come to an agreement: they'll use each other for sex with no strings attached. They will class each other as friends while humping and grinding each other on a regular basis. How very modern of them. They agree to no fighting, no jealousy and no feelings of affection whatsoever. I wonder how long this will last.
We see a montage of them texting each other, running to the same locations, pants around their ankles as they prepare to moan 'n' groan 'n' suck on each other's faces. For a while, this naughty routine goes rather smoothly, but Adam finds himself having feelings for his "fuck buddy," which Emma reacts to with much negativity.
If you can't tell how this film ends then I'm afraid you may want to book an appointment with your local neurosurgeon. The film is so predictable that if you were to shout out a detailed explanation of the ending in your packed screening through a bullhorn, no one would mind. Then again, it is a rom-com, and they must all end with a snog or a holding of hands and a rolling of the audience's eyes. Bleurgh.
The script is occasionally sharp, the dialogue arousing and tickling the funny bone here and there, but there simply aren't enough giggles to warrant the film worthy of the price of admission. Too many times does "No Strings Attached" think dirty words are funny that we end up groaning along with the copulating leads.
I will say the film is good with supporting characters, and there sure are plenty of them. Kevin Kline as Adam's vain father is a nice addition, as is Mindy Kaling ("The Office") as Emma's goofy friend. Ophelia Lovibond ("London Boulevard") is also memorable as Adam's English ex-girlfriend, who secretly jumps his pop's bone and wants to make babies with the middle-aged narcissist. That's another "bleurgh."
Our two main leads have much sexual chemistry and are a splendid duo with a spark to their pairing. Kutcher (an underrated, albeit not very versatile, actor) and Portman (well, she's getting all the attention the deserves right now) give it their all while seemingly having fun with their horny roles. Nonetheless, they aren't strong enough to carry the film to the end credits, causing the movie to become languid by the third act as we, to be frank, don't really care anymore.
"No Strings Attached" tries to be above its hugs-and-snuggles premise, but ends up with its strings tied up in knots. While mildly entertaining, the monumental predictability of the plot gigantically hurts the film, and the picture overall just feels overlong, even at 99 minutes. I'm sorry, but "No Strings Attached" is another film to be flung into the rom-com dumpster.
5/10
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