The Rite

I find it odd that a film about demons and possessions could be so dull. I mean, what with all the screaming and thrashing and projectile vomiting inevitably going on, I'd picture the film being at least a little bit intriguing. Yet these two elements are both components of the plot contained within "The Rite," a movie as dead as a doornail and as flat as a sheet of A4 paper. What "The Evil Dead" and "The Exorcist" got right, "The Rite" gets so, so wrong.

The film, while horrific, could not necessarily be called a horror, as thrills and general spookiness are not the picture's primary concern. There are a few "boo!" moments scattered here and there just for the hell of it, but irritated audiences everywhere will just "boo!" right back at the screen.

Our main character is a system-manipulating douche named Michael Kovak (Colin O'Donoghue, "The Clinic"). He's a young mortician who decides to get a four-year college education in a seminary school, but plans to abdicate his vows to get the degree for zippo. He's a crafty little bugger.

Four years pass, and Michael -- having studied the ways of God -- sends an e-mail to Father Matthew (Toby Jones, "Infamous") about his resignation, citing a "lack of faith." However, after seeing Michael act calmly while blessing a traffic collision victim, Father Matthew offers the system-cheater a deal -- he'll get a $100,000 student loan if he goes to Rome to study exorcism. "Two moths in Rome," says the understanding priest. "How bad could that be?" Pretty bad, actually.

He does so, and is almost immediately pointed at for being a sceptic by Father Xavier (Ciarán Hinds, "The Debt"). As a result, he is sent to Father Lucas Trevant (Anthony Hopkins, "The Wolfman"), Xavier's exorcist friend, whose methods are said to be unorthodox. He eats their livers with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Omnomnom.

Michael observes Lucas' practices, first seen to be used on a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl apparently possessed by a demon, while aiding him as he treats his patients. The boy remains sceptical about everything he witnesses, but finds himself confused about his beliefs when the "possessions" increase in obscurity.

"The Rite" is possessed by the demon of boredom, the entire film violently writhing back and forth as it tries desperately to be either engaging or compelling. It accomplishes neither. Don't worry, though; if you fall asleep, there's sure to be a jump scare right around the corner to jolt you from your deep slumber.

The film is also a lovely source of unintentional comedy -- Lucas answering his cell phone midway through an exorcism is a definite highlight, as is when he vanquishes evil from a pillow. Intentional humour is stiffly rammed in between scenes of po-faced, drab seriousness, out of place and unnecessary in comparison.

The thought of Hannibal Lecter being a man of the cloth is laughable, though the "Silence of the Lambs" star is mildly amusing. He hams it up as a not-so-typical religious figure who specialises in yanking demons' claws off the souls of innocents and sinners. He's not a blind-eyed preacher about his job, hence he's respectable of Michael's critical standpoints.

O'Donoghue doesn't have much to work with, the material rotten and scarred by its inner evil. His character is bland, his development as predictable as a one-horse race. There's nothing memorable on display here, and the little-known-actor doesn't do much to help.

The film's tone is chilling, eeriness creeping around in every scene -- still, a fluffy bunny wabbit is more intimidating than this dreck. Exorcism scenes are seen-it-all-before eye-rollers, exploding with "ha, you jumped!" sound stings. Nothing on display is spine-tingling, the script lacking in an imagination as demonic creatures control the actions of a preggers lass. Come on, get creative.

"The Rite" is an unoriginal PG-13 chiller that brags of being "inspired by true events." Hardly anything in the film is worthy of any time or attention, and Hopkins' near crucifix-gnawing isn't enough to lift interest. Simply put, “The Rite” is shite. The power of Christ compels you to make a better movie, Mikael Håfström.

2/10